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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27757027">Mihal is a Rich Bastard</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chromi/pseuds/Chromi'>Chromi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Deuce-centric [25]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Piece</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at Humor, Established Relationship, Grinding, Hijinks &amp; Shenanigans, Laughter, M/M, Making Out, NaNoWriMo 2020, Ridiculous, Silly, Trapped In A Closet, this is Really Dumb lmfao</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:28:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,139</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27757027</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chromi/pseuds/Chromi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><br/>Skull, being the master of surprise that he is, decides to shut Ace and Deuce in a closet in a childish attempt at getting them to profess their undying love to each other.</p>
<p>Joke's on him, though, as the pair are already in an established, loving relationship — and so they decide to have some fun of their own to wind up Skull.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Masked Deuce/Portgas D. Ace, Spade Pirates &amp; Portgas D. Ace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Deuce-centric [25]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1576678</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mihal is a Rich Bastard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeuBun/gifts">DeuBun</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is probably the silliest thing I've ever written! This sees Ace and Deuce, comfortable in their relationship, behaving like a pair of idiots for the sake of being idiots. Give me that pure happiness TTTT this also goes from Stupid to Horny in like 0.5 seconds, but only briefly.</p>
<p>Happy Birthday to Grill 🎉🎉🎉 and thank you to Ariel_Lazarus for the idea 😂</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had happened so suddenly that it had actually resulted in injury, though minor, in the form of Deuce headbutting the back of Ace's head and bruising his lip. Generally speaking, Ace thought that given the circumstances, he had done well not to injure either of them further, seeing as it wasn't every day one found oneself and their partner roughly shoved into a linen closet by the local giggling madman known as Skull.</p>
<p>Because yes, really, that was what had happened. Skull, on his way back from his shift in the crow's nest and moaning to anyone who would listen about it, had apparently been struck by a fantastic (if crudely immature) idea. Stalling his beloved bosses on their short trip from mess hall to map room following a late serving of whatever the crap Banshee had slung together today, Skull had ever so not-subtly opened the door to the linen closet behind himself, trying not to grin. Oh, he thought he was so fucking <em>slick</em>, Skull did, coughing into his fist when the door creaked and waving Ace's falsely concerned <em>are you ok? </em>away.</p>
<p>Because Ace wasn't a moron. Neither was Deuce. Both could see quite plainly what he was doing, and, seeing as they were not stupid and were in fact brighter than a half-wilted cabbage, they could also envision where this feat of great mystery was going to lead them.</p>
<p>Despite that, though – despite knowing full well Skull was going to bundle them up into the linen closet and shut them in – it still came as somewhat of a surprise when he did it. Or, rather, the speed with which he threw them in, the strength he demonstrated, caught them off guard. Hence, regrettably, the bruise gradually blooming on Deuce's lower lip and the lump under Ace's hair.</p>
<p>But hey, let him have his fun. Let him think he'd bested the captain and first mate; give him something to cackle manically about on the other side of the door, screaming for Saber to <em>come see what I've done with the lads</em>. He wasn't hurting anyone, minor injuries aside, and truthfully speaking, any delay in meeting Mihal for another frankly mind-numbingly boring meeting about the best route between two rivalling islands was a welcomed one, even by Deuce.</p>
<p>Not to mention they had a rather shrewd idea as to <em>why </em>Skull had deigned fit to appoint himself Chief Thrower of Masters into Closets – and they were in no hurry to point out that his efforts were ultimately wasted and pointless.</p>
<p>“Smooth,” Ace sighed, leaning back against the stacked in-built shelves, flashing Deuce a grin in the dim light filtering in from under the door, “<em>really </em>smooth, Skull. However will we ever get out of here?”</p>
<p>“Whatever will we do?” Deuce said far too loudly for Skull's benefit, rolling his eyes at Ace as they heard Skull's wheezing snickering through the wooden door. “I mean, there's no <em>way </em>I could smash through this flimsy door—”</p>
<p>“—And I couldn't <em>possibly </em>set my own ship on fire to get us out—”</p>
<p>“—So I guess we're stuck in here until Skull gets bored, huh, Ace?”</p>
<p>“Guess you're right, Deuce. What a pity Skull's a stubborn bastard who would choose guarding a door over – oh, I dunno – scrubbing the plates from lunch like he's supposed to be doing.”</p>
<p>Skull's laughter grew on the other side of the door, and, as they paused to listen, they heard him quite gleefully tell Saber about the ingenious plan he had concocted, confirming their suspicions.</p>
<p>Because this here – this stupid trick usually reserved for Beer Night where not one crew member was still fully sober – was Skull's dumb attempt at forcing Ace and Deuce together, thus hopefully prompting the love confession that everyone was so keen on hearing.</p>
<p>Yet regrettably, most unfortunately, Skull's efforts were wasted.</p>
<p>“I can't believe,” Ace murmured so that Skull couldn't hear him, “that they still haven't worked out we're together yet.”</p>
<p>“Aw, come on,” Deuce smirked back at him, the limited light casting deep shadows across his masked face, “it's only been three months now – at least give them a chance to catch on.”</p>
<p>Snorting, Ace pressed his ear to the door, listening. Yes, there were more of the idiots out there now, each one of them hooting with laughter at Skull's masterful plan. <em>Yes</em>, they squawked cheerfully, <em>yes, this will definitely get them to admit their feelings to each other, no doubt about it! </em></p>
<p>Never mind that they weren't twelve-year-olds dealing with their first crushes, and also never mind the fact that Deuce had already taken care of that small matter after almost a year of painful mutual pining, pouring his heart out to Ace one night when they had found themselves alone.</p>
<p>No, they hadn't told anyone, exactly – but in their defense, the crew really should have cottoned onto the fact that something had changed between their bosses the moment they started sleeping in the same room, at least. If nothing else, the bite marks that had appeared down both sides of Deuce's neck that one memorable day should have been a dead giveaway... had it not been for the fact that it had been winter, and Deuce had been wrapped in about fifteen layers and six scarves for the majority of the day, whimpering for Ace's fire to further unthaw him.</p>
<p>Although still unconfirmed, Ace personally suspected that Mihal (and possibly Banshee, but he wasn't quite so sure on her) had worked it out. For whatever reason, though, Mihal had not addressed the possibility of their whirlwind romance with them, preferring to smile knowingly to himself when they stood too close, or touched one another unnecessarily, or – and this was the big one; the one that should have blown their secret clear out of the water – when Ace pointedly asked Deuce if he was ready for bed at eight in the evening.</p>
<p>(It was almost disappointing how the rest of the crew simply waved them off whenever this happened, wishing them goodnight and muttering among themselves words like <em>lightweights </em>and <em>Deuce just doesn't want to lose at strip poker again</em>.)</p>
<p>“Let us out, Skull!” Ace moaned, banging on the door in a feeble imitation of distress – all while trying not to laugh. “There's barely any room in here; it's really scary without any lights on.”</p>
<p>“So light yerself up, ye daft fool!” Skull laughed back. “Get creative, Fire Fist! The longer I keep you two in there, the better!”</p>
<p>The better for who – or for what reason – was left entirely up to the imagination... although, again, neither of them exactly had to cast around for long to find the answer.</p>
<p>“So what should we do? You want me to explain in great detail why I'm in love with you again?” Deuce asked with such sincerity that Ace almost felt bad for snorting at him.</p>
<p>“If I say <em>yes</em>, will you?”</p>
<p>“You know I will – don't test me.”</p>
<p>“Well, we can't exactly do what they want us to do, can we?” Ace sighed, turning to Deuce in the small space. “They're hoping to hear an awkward-as-shit love confession, and they're not going to get one.”</p>
<p>There was barely enough room for him to stand sideways, shoulders brushing against the linen and the door if he moved around too much. It wasn't exactly the kind of place either of them would have chosen to boot a crewmate into to wring a confession from, but then again, they were not Skull, nor did they possess Skull's banal sense of humor... or so they liked to kid themselves.</p>
<p>“We could start talking about something that'd embarrass them,” Deuce said, also turning, also moving forward half a step – and bringing them close enough to almost brush up against each other. “Listen, there's Saber, and Wallace, and... I think – I <em>think</em> – I hear Kotatsu?”</p>
<p>“Kotatsu?” Ace echoed. “Really?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, seriously, listen – I'm sure I hear him purring.”</p>
<p>Ace's laughter was dampened down with a great, fake, hacking cough to hide it.</p>
<p>“Or,” Ace whispered, leaning in closer still, a glint of mischief in his gray eyes now, “we could give them something <em>better </em>than they think they're going to get.”</p>
<p>Deuce frowned in thought for a long moment, then asked, “marriage proposal? I dunno, that might make them cry like a bunch of middle-aged aunties.”</p>
<p>“No, not that.” But Ace filed away <em>that </em>lovely thought for another time, keen to muse over possibilities and scenarios that saw himself on one knee, Deuce in floods of tears, and a pair of matching gold rings bearing a single ruby in one, a sapphire in the other—”I <em>mean</em>, let's give them something <em>worth listening to</em>, if you see what I'm saying.”</p>
<p>Judging by Deuce's confused frown, he did not.</p>
<p>“Let's pretend to fuck,” Ace said bluntly, shooting down that pretty little scene in his mind of an Italian restaurant, and people clapping, and Deuce sobbing that he'd never thought he could be this happy—</p>
<p>And then Deuce was snorting, looking oddly embarrassed and barely able to meet Ace's eyes. “Only pretend?” He suggested coyly, acutely seductive, impossibly delicious, and now Ace's mind was turning to far cruder, filthier thoughts than white weddings and champagne and Mihal both giving Deuce away and conducting the service.</p>
<p>“Yes, only pretend,” Ace said, feeling himself flush regardless, “what would you do if Skull opened the door and got a face full of my ass as a result?”</p>
<p>Deuce shrugged, plainly now thinking about Ace's ass. “It's a nice ass. He could suffer far worse.”</p>
<p>“I mean, yeah, true, but still.”</p>
<p>Deuce grinned such a shit-eating grin that Ace couldn't help but mirror him, lower lip pinched between his teeth. “We're going to regret this, aren't we?”</p>
<p>“Oh, for sure,” Ace agreed wholeheartedly, “yeah, we aren't going to hear the end of this, like, ever, even if we prove we didn't do anything. They're not going to let this go until they're all in their graves, and even then I wouldn't be surprised if their ghosts floated around to keep spreading this gossip.”</p>
<p>That grin spread wider, Deuce's eyes blazing with the promise of a catastrophe of cataclysmic heights – a look that Ace didn't often see, yet knew he loved without question. <em>Be more like Ace,</em> Deuce always told himself when he thought Ace wasn't listening. <em>Be more open to nonsense and fun just for the sake of having fun. Find freedom.</em></p>
<p>And if this wasn't an <em>Ace </em>thing to do, then what was?</p>
<p>“Shall we?”</p>
<p>“Oh, we shall.”</p>
<p>And then Deuce was shaking with suppressed laughter, teetering on the edge of doing something stupid just for the sheer sake of being a moron.</p>
<p>“Oh, Ace!” Deuce yelled, taking the first step and thumping his fist to the door for good measure. “Ace, <em>yes</em>, <em>ah</em>, right there—”</p>
<p>“Deuce, baby, <em>yes</em>, oh, god, you're so sexy!” Ace practically screamed on taking up the challenge with ease, slapping the door too for good measure. “Get your leg up, baby, lemme feel you—that's it, and the other, up, up—”</p>
<p>Deuce's forehead butted to Ace's shoulder, laugh pressed into his bare skin; and Ace in turn stifled his own into Deuce's hair, shoulders shaking with the effort of holding in the laughter that threatened to practically burst out of him. It had suddenly gone very quiet outside, the rumble of Skull's deep tone halting as immediately as if a radio had been switched off.</p>
<p>“Shut up and get your tongue in my mouth,” Deuce giggled, muffled yet still loud enough for the others to hear, “just give it to me already, I'm so—<em>pfft</em>—so h-hard for you, you sexy beast—”</p>
<p>“C'mon, sugar tits, lemme see that dick,” Ace was almost sobbing into Deuce's hair with laughter already, clinging to him, absolutely convinced he would collapse without his support, “lemme—lemme—fuck, Deu,” he suddenly dropped into a snort of a whisper, “I can't think of anything—”</p>
<p>“<em>Lemme take you down to pound town</em>,” Deuce barely managed to suggest through his wheeze, doing everything in his power not to laugh.</p>
<p>“Lemme take you down to pound town!” Ace shrieked for Skull's benefit, throwing his head back. “C'mon Deu, hop on my cock, baby, take it like a champ!”</p>
<p>“Oh, Ace!” Deuce wailed, tears from the suppressed laughter just visible in his eyes as he straightened up, cheeks clearly red even in the poor light. “Ace! Yes! More!”</p>
<p>“Munch on my dick, you slut!” Ace yelled, rattling the door handle for good measure as Deuce slapped his palm to it in rhythmic beats. “Beat my meat! Tickle my balls!”</p>
<p>At last, Deuce actually did audibly snort with laughter at that last line; there was no way it was missed by Skull and co. outside. “Tickle your balls?” He was almost crying, thumbing under one masked eye. “The fuck?”</p>
<p>“Gargle them!” Ace carried on yelling, tears of laughter streaming down his cheeks because <em>he </em>didn’t care about holding them back, clinging to Deuce like his life depended on it. “Suck 'em! Shiver me timbers, Deu, ring me bell! Hoist my main sail! Uh—Wax my mast! Bury your treasure in my—my—<em>oh!</em>—in my love tunnel, baby!”</p>
<p>Deuce's back collided with the linen shelves as he stumbled in the dark, doubling up with laughter that came in undignified snorts and blown raspberries. Not that Ace was in any way better – not like Ace didn't lurch precariously to one side, his support on Deuce's shoulders dipping too low to hold him upright anymore. With a painful, audible <em>clunk! </em>they smacked heads, resulting in wails of pain amid the spluttering guffaws and squeals of glee.</p>
<p>“Don't,” Deuce gasped through the laughter as Ace opened his mouth to carry on with the nonsense, “don't, oh my—<em>god </em>I can't <em>breathe</em>—give me a minute—”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’ll give you more than a minute, Sex on Legs,” Ace laughed breathlessly, fists twisted into Deuce’s jacket to prevent himself from dropping to the floor, all the power in his legs seemingly vanished along with his pride. “I’ll give you the gift of my—oh my <em>god—</em>my m-massive manhood, sweet cheeks.”</p>
<p>Deuce’s groan was mixed with a poorly concealed snort, the sound of his head butting to the shelves obvious and clear.</p>
<p>“That’s <em>awful</em>,” Deuce giggled into his palms.</p>
<p>And then Ace's hands were clapping to his bare chest, skimming their way up to his throat to haul himself upright, laughing so much he was starting to feel lightheaded. It was intoxicating, their shared silliness was, and Deuce was captivatingly beautiful like that when he smiled so much he lost every last vestige of anxiety and doubt, beaming radiant.</p>
<p>He was warm, and he felt good in Ace’s hold, all breathless sighs and stray giggles seeping out here and there in the dark. When all was said and done – when Deuce gave up on maintaining an image and projecting an ideal, even for five minutes while shut in a closet – he was so, <em>so </em>pretty.</p>
<p>“Kiss me,” Ace giggled once he was properly righted, sure he looked punch-drunk, woozy from the effects of the cramped space and stupidity alike, “kiss me, Deu.”</p>
<p>“Kiss you?”</p>
<p>It took a moment for Deuce to figure out that Ace was actually asking for a real kiss and not for another line for Skull to be hollered.</p>
<p>But once he saw the twinkle in Ace's eyes – once he flattened himself against the shelves, hands scrabbling for purchase up Ace's back, tracing muscle and bone and searing hot skin— Deuce got it alright.</p>
<p>“<em>Properly</em>,” Ace breathed, angling his chin in eager encouragement, drawing Deuce in through possessive hold and easy determination alike, “like—like…” He sighed dramatically, causing Deuce’s hair to flutter. “I’m all out of dumb lines, sorry.”</p>
<p>“How about: kiss me like you mean it,” Deuce grinned at the overused, cliché line, pulling Ace against him.</p>
<p>Ace hummed his approval. “That’d work.”</p>
<p>Lips crushed to lips in a sudden fierce, steamy hunger, the change in atmosphere palpable, frenzied and induced like a drug injected into vein, fire burning through blood to brain. Fingers twisted into hair, gasps mouthed to tongues and lips and suddenly it was too hot, <em>too hot</em>.</p>
<p>Deuce's knee, raised, the inside of his thigh sliding up Ace's outer, lifting in invite until knee trembled to hip, begging.</p>
<p>A palm, snatching, seized the pit of that knee; hauled it higher, pressed it backwards until Deuce gasped with pain, back jabbed by the shelves.</p>
<p>But that only fueled Ace—that only awoke the hunger, drove his hips up against Deuce's to grind with a moan, sucking his tongue between lips and teeth to elicit the most desperate, throaty sound he had probably ever heard from his partner. Harder he worked, frantic and embarrassingly thickening with immense speed on his press to Deuce's growing excitement through too many clothes, <em>too many so much get him bare get him stripped lift him fuckhim<strong>takehim</strong>—</em></p>
<p>Light – blinding, brilliant – flooded the closet with a bang of the door to the wall, cold air rushing in to startle the pair out of their fevered make-out session—</p>
<p>—to the point where they detached with an audible <em>slorp, </em>Ace forgetting to close his damn mouth, tongue hanging expectantly.</p>
<p>Resulting in what appeared to be most of the crew gathered around, some looking shocked, others quietly exchanging wads of notes in bets won and lost, and others – namely Cornelia – looking mildly nauseated to find their captain with their first mate's thigh hiked up around his waist, Deuce’s jacket halfway off, the pair panting for breath.</p>
<p>“Uh,” Deuce gasped, shockingly pink and breathing very quickly, “this—this isn't what it looks like.”</p>
<p>“We're acting,” Ace said at once; everyone avoided his eyes as his gaze roamed imploringly. “This is an act.”</p>
<p>“Woo, Ace, take me up against the linen, Ace,” Deuce tried, making a valiant stab at their previous nonsense, voice a mocking falsetto, “let's fool the guys, Ace... let's...” He gave a nervous laugh, though still didn't seem to have the presence of mind to remove his left hand from down the back of Ace's shorts.</p>
<p>Apparently, though, the crew weren't quite <em>that </em>dense. Most unfortunately.</p>
<p>“All right, pay up!” Skull bellowed to the crowd after a moment's stunned silence. “Who 'ere actually bet on them getting fucky in the closet! Ah!” He clicked his fingers in the direction of the stern. “Mihal! Mihal did! Mihal, you fucker, you're about to be one rich bastard!”</p>
<p>And even though Ace's ears were full of the sound of his own heartbeat as he (somewhat reluctantly) let go of Deuce's leg, he was almost certain he heard Mihal call back with something of a bark of a laugh from his open door, not at all surprised to find himself suddenly filthy rich.</p>
<p>Fucker.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For anyone who reads my other works: the next chapter of <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23984281">Who Knows</a> is currently sat at 16,000 words! I'm aiming to finish it before NaNoWriMo ends and will then be editing it heavily, so expect that within the week 🎉 <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27389425">Of Gods and Flames</a> is fully planned, but I haven't started writing the third chapter yet because I've been focused on WK for the last two weeks ;;; it isn't abandoned though just because NaNo is ending!</p>
<p>I love chatting, so feel free to send me a message on either <a href="https://chromiwrites.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a> or <a href="https://twitter.com/Chromiwrites">Twitter</a>! I'm always open to requests and chatting about these guys!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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